I'm 31 years old and I weigh 121 pounds. I tell you that not to make you feel any particular way about your own weight, but rather because apparently, my weight is everyone's business.
Over the last few weeks I've endured a conversation I've encountered many times since becoming a mother. "I can't believe you have three (or two or one) children and are so thin. I've had three (or two or four or none) and I still am overweight." Those words have been uttered to me 100+ times over the last eight years - everywhere from church to school to the ballet waiting room. They've happened with dear friends and with complete strangers.
No one in their right mind would approach someone (known or unknown) and say "Eat a salad you overweight slug." But it I have had someone say to me - after I refused a donut after lunch one day - "Eat one, you skinny b*tch."
I had always been the skinny girl. I never went through that awkward, overweight phase as a teen or preteen. I ate whatever I wanted and never gained an ounce. I was all knees and elbows. And don't think I was some amazing athlete either. I did ONE spring of track in high school. That's pretty much the extent of my physical activity as a teenager. When I got to college I was surrounded by girls who were smarter than I was. Prettier than I was, richer than I was. I desperately clung to my "skinny girl" title. I did some pretty terrible things to my body to hang on to that descriptor. Things that horrify me when I think of my daughters duplicating them.
Fortunately for me I fell in love with a man who loved me because I recited stupid phrases like, "Red sky at morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night, sailors' delight." He loved me because I left dozens of post-it notes around to keep track of all my assignments and because I put up with his procrastination and his (sometimes) slovenliness. That love was enough to make me stop tormenting my body and relax. I figured out that if he didn't see my first trait as "skinny" maybe others wouldn't either.
And I know what you're thinking. Where does this skinny girl get off *complaining* about being skinny? I'm not complaining about being skinny. I'm complaining about being constantly bombarded with discussions about my weight. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me angry and sad that my daughters are hearing other women say these things to me and to each other. The thing is, when someone meets me, what they see first is my outward appearance. They see a mother with three young kids in tow and immediately assume I've made a deal with the devil to shed the 50+ pounds I gained over three pregnancies. But what they can't see is that my weight doesn't define me. It's not who I am. I am not the skinny girl. I'm not the skinny mom.
I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I am a child of God. I am a co-worker and a runner. I like to read and vote for democrats. I take too many pictures and mostly likely, annoy all of my Facebook friends by posting them. I sing to loud rap songs when I drive my stupid minivan without the kids in the backseat. I turn off the hallway lights at work every night and wonder why no one else seems to care about the environment. I hate losing to my husband at board games (or any game for that matter). I'm not an animal person. I have a quick temper. I still cry at the end of The Little Mermaid even though I've seen it 312 times. I want to go to Scotland. I want to ride the elevator to the top of the Eiffel Tower even though I really, really hate elevators.
Try fitting all that on scale...I'm pretty sure the sum total of my parts adds up to a hell of a lot more than 121 pounds.